HORRORSCOPE

Every Show Needs Its Host

pisces

February 19th – March 20th

 

Neptune casts a shadow; two hideous fish, pale in the dank light. You watch them first thing, thrashing about in the estuary of your eye. Are they fighting? They look like they’re fighting.

Hang on. Are they…

       Do me a favour and angle your head to the side

                          — like this —

                                                 for a moment.

Ok,

are those eggs?

Those are eggs.

Hoo boy.

I mean, yeah.

You think back to last week when all that fluid came out of your ears at the Maroon 5 show. At the time, you laughed it off as God punishing you. Well, turns out it was probably just brain matter and a little bit of brine! Which is better, isn’t it? Because only you know why you were at that Maroon 5 show. But, honestly, that’s beside the point.

On waking this week, you will be confronted with the sound of moving slime. It always seems to quieten as you stir. You will tell yourself you are host to something greater than yourself. Other times, you will close the curtains and sit and sob quietly. Go easy, gentle Pisces. Maybe this will end well – that has to have happened at least once, right?

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