June 21st – July 22nd
Mercury is dying and you stand on the front step of your parents house. Nobody is quite sure what to say. Finally, your mother stirs.
“Sixteen years. Where you been?”
Continue readingCategory Archives: HORRORSCOPE
Documenting the months ahead in your excellent life.
Every Show Needs Its Host
February 19th – March 20th
Neptune casts a shadow; two hideous fish, pale in the dank light. You watch them first thing, thrashing about in the estuary of your eye. Are they fighting? They look like they’re fighting. Continue reading
Bisque Boy 5000
March 20th – April 19th
It’s Sunday, your housemates have all gone to Church, and you would like to spend some time with your beautiful body, 40% of which you lost when you fell into a tank of kraken at the aquarium last year.
Encyclopedia: Rising
Sagittarius (November 21 – December 21):
As Jupiter’s moons collide with one another, so too does your vehicle with a self-driven Google taxi. The impact on your body as it is first flung through the windshield and then pole-axed against a tree causes a video ad to open on your phone.
It’s Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia.
The Stars and You – 7/2/14
Did I ever tell you about the time I was struck by lightning and imbued with incredible supernatural powers that serve as both a gift AND a curse? Maybe not, I tend to keep it quiet. Truth is, I’m keeping my story for a rainy day, and that “rainy day” is an unfinished screenplay on my computer entitled ‘His Brilliant Gift?’
Cool, huh. You think you have a grip on the title and then… the question mark. Is it a brilliant gift?
Without getting too far ahead of myself, it’s gonna eventually be a whole thing. Probably with Tong Crewse and Laurens Fishbon in supporting roles.
So, yeah, I have a gift, and sometimes I like to use it!! Here are this week’s horoscopes, or as i call them – ‘YELLAHOLESCOPES’.
(I don’t fucking call them that) Continue reading
YELLA HOLES - 